I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
