My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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