so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
