he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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