youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to make out with him forever
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
