You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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