Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
