My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize