Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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