oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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