Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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