I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize