every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
