If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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