my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
