I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
