hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Too much gin, very little bucket
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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