I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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