I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
