she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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