Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
