So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So many bounce houses so little time
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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