Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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