drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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