i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
