im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
