The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
