Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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