I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize