She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
