No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
