we have pet lesbian snakes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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