i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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