i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
