lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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