We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
