Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
