I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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