I think I died a long time ago.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
