I'm so fucking centered right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
