Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
