please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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