I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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