I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize