like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
