i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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