Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
