it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
