Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
