I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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