I think my fart just growled at me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
