you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
