suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
