my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
