4 words: hood of his car
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
