It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
