Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
