i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
