That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
