So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
