On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think people are normalizing furries
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
