I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need water and some morals
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
