I'm so fucking centered right now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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