bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
