Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
