watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
