Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
