u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
