Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
