At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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