I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
