Whod you bang
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
