:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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