So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
