The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
