I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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