I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
