who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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