going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
