youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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