Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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