If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
