No awkward lesbian experiences without me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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