looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
