either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
