ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Too much gin, very little bucket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
