Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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