um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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