Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
