According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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