Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
