Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
