My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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