I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
