That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
