I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
