If that was your dad, he is hot
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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