You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
