three words: i give head
three words: not that well
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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