all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
