well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize