I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
