I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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