dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
