This girl is more easily done than said...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
