my phone needs a breathalizer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
